A couple of months ago, I was listening to a podcast episode with psychotherapist Bruce Tift (according to my brother, I’m probably related). The topic of the podcast was his book Already Free. However, during the interview, Bruce Tift used a phrase that doesn’t appear in the book but stuck with me: “quality of our experience.” He said,
“There’s a difference between improving the quality of our experience and improving oneself. Improving the quality of our experience means we just give it our best shot, appreciate what’s helpful, acknowledge what hasn’t changed, and work with what unfolds.”
At first, it sounded like something I’ve heard from various yoga or meditation teachers, just phrased slightly differently. But this idea of focusing on the quality of the moment rather than constantly striving to improve myself has stayed with me because it has proven useful.
Over the summer, I attended a conference in Washington, D.C. I found myself repeatedly recalling this phrase — whether I was walking through busy halls, tempted by sweets at vendor booths, sitting through a session, or biking past the memorials on the National Mall at night with friends. Each time, this simple reminder to focus on the quality of my experience shifted how I engaged with the moment, allowing me to fully appreciate it.
Since coming home, I’ve continued to experiment with this approach. Sitting in a dull meeting? I ask myself, “Can I improve the quality of this experience?” Walking with Marnie (my wife) at the dog park while my mind is racing through my to-do list? “Can I improve the quality of this experience?” You get the idea.
What I love about this practice is its simplicity. It helps me avoid falling into the trap of believing I’m doing something wrong or should be doing something else. It makes the situation less about me. The constant pressure to improve myself, to become better, can actually become a source of stress.
Paying attention to the present moment can be beneficial in any situation. By focusing on improving the quality of my experience instead of self-improvement, I allow myself to engage with the present moment — without guilt, without judgment, and without a sense of “should.”
Stress often arises when we feel that things aren’t quite right or that we need to constantly improve ourselves or our circumstances. This mindset can create a cycle of anxiety and dissatisfaction. By shifting focus to improving the quality of the experience itself, we can reduce stress and cultivate a greater sense of ease and presence.
This might not be exactly how Bruce Tift intended the phrase to be used, but this is how I’ve found it helpful. Perhaps you might also find value in recalling it throughout your day, especially when stress or distraction threatens to pull you away from the present.
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