Sometimes I marvel at how I can be in the same place I’ve been before, yet have a completely different experience. The sun can feel warm on a chilly day or uncomfortable at the end of a long, hot summer day. A breeze can be a relief or a chill. The same moment can feel heavy or light depending on where we place our attention.
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself stuck in a loop of negative thoughts. I could feel these thoughts dragging me down, so I decided to go for a bike ride. It’s one of my favorite ways to reset. Sometimes deep breathing is enough, but when my mind feels more obsessive, a longer ride provides the bigger reset I need.
I headed to Carver Park, one of my favorite spots. The air had a fall crispness, and I enjoyed the periods of sun. Along the way, I stopped at a couple of benches just to sit and take in the trees, the sky, and the beauty of a Minnesota park. It’s simple, but it works for me. Nature reminds me that I’m part of something much bigger than myself. Despite the noise in my head, there’s a whole world out there that simply is. It took a little while to calm my mind, but I felt lighter as I rode home.
But then, when I arrived home, everything shifted.
I reached for my wallet, and it wasn’t there. My heart sank. First thought: Great, just what I need! My mind spun into negativity. How could I be so careless? How would I replace everything? I felt a strong sense of shame. I wanted to throw something, maybe scream. But I didn’t. I knew I had to keep it together. I took a few deep breaths.
I had plans to leave soon to pick up my oldest from college, so I texted her to let her know I’d be late. Thankfully, she responded with, “Sounds good, no rush!” Then Marnie, kind as always, drove me to the park to help look for my wallet. Despite all of the reasons I had to be thankful in that moment, most of my attention was still focused on the fact that I didn’t have my wallet.
On the way to the park, I took some long, slow inhales and exhales. Then I started to think about what was actually in that wallet: my driver’s license, my credit cards, my health insurance cards. All of those things are replaceable. Sure, it would be a hassle, but life wouldn’t end if I didn’t find it. I felt a little better, but still, my body was tense.
When we got to the park, I pulled my bike out of the car and started riding down the path, trying to stay calm. I went straight to the first bench where I’d stopped earlier. And there was my wallet, sitting right behind the bench. Untouched. Everything inside exactly where it should be.
Relief washed over me. My mind went from racing to still. It felt like life slowed down by 1000%. The tightness in my chest loosened. I sat back down on that same bench, letting myself truly be present in the moment. I sat there for a few moments in the quiet, deeply appreciating the feeling of having my wallet.
It hit me how ironic it all was. Most of the time, I have my wallet, but it’s not something I celebrate. Just hours before, I had been lost in worry. Now I was sitting on the same bench, surrounded by the same trees and sky, but everything felt different. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t upset. I was just grateful. And just like before, I had my wallet.
The same park, the same bench, the same wallet can feel heavy or light depending on what we carry inside. This is true for every moment in our lives. Yoga teaches us to release what weighs us down. While we need certain things to move through life, our happiness should not depend on having them. The sun will rise and set, the breeze will come and go. We can choose to be caught by it, or let it pass. In the moment, it’s easy to get wrapped up in pain or fear, but ultimately, we have the power to choose our response.
Where is your attention right now?
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